Am I Crazy?
Yes, the title is not wrong. Maybe some of you guys think that I am definitely crazy by writing this kind of story.
Why am I asking this? I don't know. It was kind of popping out in my brain when I often talk to myself. Oh, yes, I have to say in advance that this is not a desperation. I am not desperate. The reason is, I don't have anyone to share with.
Let's start.
I always speak in front of the mirror. Or, I call this as speaking with the mirror. I always speak what I think in front of he mirror. You know, I act as if I am talking in front of thousands of people, delivering a speech in various topic. Why? You can find the answer above. I don't have anyone to share with. I have a lot of friends, but I always think that they get bored ever since I start to talk.
You know what, I am such a very talkative kid of person. What to say? Fussy. Yes, I talk a lot. I talk a lot of things, from politics to fashion to art to food thingy. Now you can imagine how fussy I am. Because of this reason, I start to negatively think that my friends get bored when I start to talk. They (sometimes or many times) show me that yawn-faced expression. That is intimidating to me personally. Ever since I was faced with that kind of condition, I just started to talk with the mirror. Mirror is my best friend to share, despite the one-way communication. Oh come on, that's just a technical stuff. To me, as long as I can share what's going on my mind, it's okay. A different story if I want my thoughts to be seen by people. I write. Yes, like what I am sharing to you guys right now.
Besides yawning expression, people sometimes say what they think about me when I am talking. They say like, 'please, stop talking', or 'you've been talking too much'. Sad? Definitely, it is even more than sad. I lost my confidence. I judge myself. I think that I always talk about trashy stuffs, cheesy topic. Furthermore, I think that no one will listen to what I say anymore. Wow. That's such a huge thing to deal with.
Am I crazy? You judge. That is why I always prefer to hang out alone and write what's on my mind. I am afraid that people will get bored if I take them to hang out with me.
Am I crazy? You judge. I am talking to mirror. Sounds weird. Somewhat pathetic. But yes, I am talking to mirror. I'm sharing with mirror.
Am I crazy?
Why am I asking this? I don't know. It was kind of popping out in my brain when I often talk to myself. Oh, yes, I have to say in advance that this is not a desperation. I am not desperate. The reason is, I don't have anyone to share with.
Let's start.
I always speak in front of the mirror. Or, I call this as speaking with the mirror. I always speak what I think in front of he mirror. You know, I act as if I am talking in front of thousands of people, delivering a speech in various topic. Why? You can find the answer above. I don't have anyone to share with. I have a lot of friends, but I always think that they get bored ever since I start to talk.
You know what, I am such a very talkative kid of person. What to say? Fussy. Yes, I talk a lot. I talk a lot of things, from politics to fashion to art to food thingy. Now you can imagine how fussy I am. Because of this reason, I start to negatively think that my friends get bored when I start to talk. They (sometimes or many times) show me that yawn-faced expression. That is intimidating to me personally. Ever since I was faced with that kind of condition, I just started to talk with the mirror. Mirror is my best friend to share, despite the one-way communication. Oh come on, that's just a technical stuff. To me, as long as I can share what's going on my mind, it's okay. A different story if I want my thoughts to be seen by people. I write. Yes, like what I am sharing to you guys right now.
Besides yawning expression, people sometimes say what they think about me when I am talking. They say like, 'please, stop talking', or 'you've been talking too much'. Sad? Definitely, it is even more than sad. I lost my confidence. I judge myself. I think that I always talk about trashy stuffs, cheesy topic. Furthermore, I think that no one will listen to what I say anymore. Wow. That's such a huge thing to deal with.
Am I crazy? You judge. That is why I always prefer to hang out alone and write what's on my mind. I am afraid that people will get bored if I take them to hang out with me.
Am I crazy? You judge. I am talking to mirror. Sounds weird. Somewhat pathetic. But yes, I am talking to mirror. I'm sharing with mirror.
Am I crazy?
Are you crazy? you judge (ur self)
BalasHapusHonestly, I'm suprised found out this posting, suprised that it's written by you: guy with very high self-acceptance to himself (I think before I found this posting) I often envy with you, because of your high self-acceptance. In my mind, u look so enjoying ur self with all of your strength and weakness. I envy because i couldn't be like that.
In many times i'm hurt by self, because i couldn't accept my self, my weakness. When I met you, I thought i find a guy who has side that i have not. But reading this story makes me rethink my perception: Perhaps, there is nobody in this wolrd who can accept him-herself well. So, what is the problem with no self-acceptance? Slowly, i (maybe) begin to accept my no self-acceptance. hahaaa *malah curhat*
Sincerely,
:*
Yes darling. I often lose that self esteem. I am not that strong in resisting towards people's opinion. I don't know why yet I am not pretending. I am confident and am proud of myself.
BalasHapusBut this makes me more humane. I feel more normal as what other people feel. I am happy with my lack of self-acceptance in some ways. On the other hand, I have to push myself to be a bit (more) resisting to people's mind.
Well, these all are part of socializing, eh? hehe