Saturday Night and What is All About

Well, this is not a fashion-related post as I used to show to you all. Call me nagging, call me whatever you want, but I do really feel this.

I write this post at Saturday night. No no. This is Sunday already, since the clock has passed 12. Yea I don't know what I'm really talking, maybe I'm tired. But that's okay.

Someone said to me that she (yes, a girl) is envying me. In her mind. I am a person who is always happy. I always put the brightest smile, and the hardest laugh ever, everyday. But then I just realized that happiness is not my thing. It is never embedded, like, never.

Some people said that happiness is on us, what we created, and how we see things. Yes, indeed. But I think it is not something that you can do overnight. Some people said that in order to be happy, you need not any penny, girlfriend, boyfriend, or anything. All you need to be happy is being happy. 

But really?

I don't think someone can create happiness only relying on their mind -construction, no. The fact that it has been a social consciousness that happiness is constructed on our mind is killing us. You know, in another phrase, I found that to be happy, someone has to be healthy. And the dialectic process keeps going... To be healthy, you need to workout. To be healthy, you need to eat right. And in the meantime, you are increasing your endorphin, then you feel happy.

Happiness is not merely about happiness. Even happiness needs process. It is not constructed.

To me, one of the meanings of happiness is opportunity. I need opportunities, that chance to be happy. The chance to get what I need (and want), the chance to make everyone surrounds me happy like what I feel (now you can guess my horoscope, yes I was born as a Libra). 

I will be terrifically happy when I get hugged, or simply hug someone. I will be happy when I become a straight As student. I will be happy if I reach my dream. I will be happy when I see someone smile because of me. I will be happy if I can bla bla bla.

When I look at the mirror, I see my twin looking at me. I know him so well. But I don't know myself. I never see myself. I don't believe the mirror. I don't believe that I have such identical body with that guy. He's not manly. He's not flawless. He has acne-prone skin. He doesn't have blue eyes. He is not someone whom everyone will chase, not really. Yes, happiness is seeing yourself as a perfect one, sometimes.

When I go back home, I see empty rooms. I see my mom and my brother sleeping. The day after, my dad telling me those stories that he is not going back home anymore. What did I do in my previous life? Killing someone, or probably some people? Yes, happiness is having that full-team family, sometimes.

When I see those couples smiling to each other and seeing the blessing of the universe, that is the same time when I see them hug tightly, not thinking what people surround them think about. Yes, happiness is having someone to hug, and to be hugged, sometimes.

When I see those cool guys having fun, drinking and going out like they can pay the bills, that is the same time when I see them wearing fancy clothes and those miscellaneous. Yes, happiness is when you have that fancy life, sometimes.

Call me needy, and tell me what happiness really means (according to you).

Then I see myself writing this, whining, nagging, shouting what I don't really have, instead of doing something. Because of why? Because this is Saturday night.

So what does happiness mean to you?